Thursday, February 12, 2009

You know you are Canadian if...

M-am gandit ca nu toti 3 cititori ai mei stiu gluma cu Canadienii :)
Enjoy:
You think -10 C is mild weather
You wear socks with our sandals
You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.
You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You've plugged a car in overnight.
You've defended your property from trespassers with a hockey stick because you don't own a gun.
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.
You find -40C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorrels.
You can play road hockey on skates.
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you carry a Canadian passport.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You don't feel the urge to purchase maple syrup at the airport.
When in Niagara Falls, you scoff at how pathetic the American falls are compared to the Canadian ones.
You're not easily impressed by British accents.
You're easily impressed by British accents.
Thinks an income tax refund is a gift from the government.
On seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, assumes it is a train.
When given a compliment, always looks behind to see for whom it is intended.
Doesn't know anyone who doesn't owns a flag.
Finds Kentucky Fried Chicken "a bit too spicy".
Holds the world's record for telephone use, probably listening to "Don't hang up. Your call is important to us."
Will drive to an unemployment protest meeting in his Toyota.
Is convinced that democracy involves keeping your opinions to yourself.
In a restaurant, apologizes for not being ready to order at the waiter's convenience.
Will travel across the border to buy cigarettes and return home for subsidized cancer therapy.
Says "sorry" when you accidentally bump into him.
Waits for the light to change before crossing a deserted intersection at 3 a.m.
Takes as a signal for a standing ovation any two people who happen to be leaving during curtain calls.
Believes the Free Trade Agreement is an agreement about free trade.
Says "no big deal" to a sidewalk cyclist who's just knocked him down.
Considers turning up the thermostat an integral part of foreplay.
Says "no thanks" to a telemarketing tape.
Never sits in someone else's seat, even if the ticket holder doesn't show.
Says hi to anyone walking a dog.
Goes to hot-tub parties where people wear bathing suits.
Carries travelers checks in a money belt.
Heartily proclaims, "Sure it's 38 below, but it's a dry cold."
You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan."
Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"
Winter. Whenever you want it. And then some.
There's German food, Italian food, Chinese food, Armenian food, American food, but NO Canadian food.
You like the Americans a little because they don't want Quebec either.
Canadian lottery winnings are non-taxable!
Everything is labelled in English and French.
There are more pages about Hockey than the news in the newspapers
You know what are Tim Horton, Zellers and Canadian Tire
You have a canadian flag sewn on your backpack (unless you live in Qu├ębec)
You measure distance in hours.
You use a down comforter in the summer.
You think of the major four food groups as steak, beer, fish and people from Saskatchewan.
You know what kind of snow throws best.
It takes 3 hours to go to the mall for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
You know Toronto is not a province
You design your kid's Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit
Driving is better in the winter because then the potholes are filled with snow
You only burn your bra when you're out of wood
You yell "Patio Weather!" when the temperature rises to 0.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
There are seven empty cars running in the parking lot of your neighbourhood Tim Horton's at any given time.
Most of your clothes have Canadian beer logos on them.
Summertime is when you switch your toque for a ballcap (with a Canadian beer logo on it)
You have a bumper sticker that says "If you're Canadian show me your Beaver"
You own an ice auger
You made your horn louder when your brakes wore out
You have a bumper sticker that reads: Fight Crime! Shoot Back

Bragging Rights
We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone, short-wave radios, and Superman.
The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the world's oldest company.
We have the largest English-speaking population that never, ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.


sper sa va placa (ceea ce e cu rosu...ghiciti?)

3 comments:

  1. Ma faci sa rad de fiecare data cand scrii :).

    ReplyDelete
  2. salexandre, multumesc!
    cum "mai descoperit"?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cred ca prima data te-am citit pe forumul Despre copii. Mi-a placut si m-am abonat la site-ul tau si il citesc frecvent. Imi place :)

    ReplyDelete